Home
It's been 2 days since I've been home, and 20 minutes since I've seen "my world" in utter amazement.
The last highlight of my CEED experience was facilitating at DRIVE EB National Conference in Southern Cone. That was where my personal experience abroad had come to an end, most prominently when facilitating the functional ICX track. To introduce ourselves, we were to give our names, our @ XP and what exchange meant to us. As each person elaborated on what exchange meant to them, I had 10 more things to say on top of each comment, but that is not the point. As each VP exchange spoke about what X meant to them, I held on tightest to 1 comment: Exchange means to see another reality with the vision you had grown up with and coming back with a different set of eyes.
As I rode the bus back home from the airport on Tuesday, I was simply astonished at how everything felt so normal. Everything was coming at me, peoples' behaviours, the bus, the cleanliness, efficiency... and it all felt... normal. How natural it was to not even embrace home, but just glide along with it and
merge. I was in no shock, there were no surprises... no expectations... and nothing has changed.
Nothing has changed.Matters and situations are still the same, people still act the same, routines are still the same... and I can't stand it - at all. I guess this is where I see the change in myself - the lens that separates my old matters from my new ones. Yes there are the little things: everyone's lawns are so green, how could I ever have though it gross to step in grass? I want to roll in everyone's lawns now. who cares if I get home at 3AM? I walked the streets of Buenos Aires at 4AM and took the bus all by myself every night after hardcore partying... drinking tap water from a bar? it's not a concern if TO's pipes are 100 times cleaner than those of Bs As...
But the things that extremely bother me: why are people talking about such useless, mindless topics? Should I be wasting my time on being stupid? Things that use to be fun not anymore, and things that used to matter don't. In some ways I feel like I'm being snobby, but can I be blamed for having seen concerns that really matter?
So... what is excellence? Is it doing better than others in certain things? Is it having a good balance in life? Should we live life to its fullest if it means watching a lot of TV because it keeps you content?
What should each of us be doing?
DRIVE
OK guys this is going to be a weird post...
It's 11:58AM right now, in Argentina. Currently sitting in the room of a hotel in the extremely beautiful city of Córdoba, where co-faci/mc Juanma is giving a session on Effective Presentations. What a mixed bag of feelings right now.
Along with the stress and anxiousness of facilitating conferences, this is the last day I will be spending with my fellow AIESECers, the Argentineans and everyone that I know here in this country. I don't know how to explain the feeling of dancing for the last time with some of the coolest people I know at 5:30AM but what I do know is that I'm extremely motivated, tired as hell, scared, nervous, really effing happy, and trying not to cry - all at the same time.
It's probably - it's actually the worst time to write a blog now, with a million and a half things to do for the last 5 hour of this conference... but for some reason although nearly trembling I feel like I need to write down this amazing and horrible moment of my life.
Before leaving on my CEED, I wasn't afraid of not being able to adapt; I'm a fairly flexible person. The one thing I had most feared was missing everything and everyone back home. What I had concluded about myself was actually quite right - I had adapted extremely well into the society, the AIESEC culture, the life here. But right now, what I was before doesn't seem quite the same. At this moment, what I fear the most is simply seeing familiarity. I can't envision the feeling I'll have of sitting on my bed, hearing native North American English everywhere... riding the TTC... speaking at a normal speed where everyone would understand me... I can't, thinking about it already makes me uncomfortable. Has reverse-culture shock already started? or is it because I've been giving so many of these culture shock sessions that I'm expecting it?
At the same time I can't say that I don't want to leave, but I can't say that I want to either. I'm just
not ready. This CEED was supposed to end gradually - having a day to pack, having a few days to shop around for stuff to bring home, seeing everyone for the last time, but no - no! Plans, as I said in the last post, never fuckign work out, and this CEED ended on such a high note I'm just not even ready to leave yet. Starting to get really close and used to my room-mates/the MC, packing for 3 months of life in 2 hours - a result of finding out I'll be faci'ing this leadership role conference only a few days before it... this conference... getting on the nst in southern cone - holy shit, talk about lack of buildup.
It's like a dump truck emptying sand in a pit - super quick and it'll be empty before you know it. It's so unfair. Why are most of the highlights happening at the end of this experience? Too bad for me... all I can do is to move forward and just continue to
DRIVE...
Abrazo.
Wasting no more time
So much to be done
Everything works out
So they say
Over my shoulder
It's tough getting olderToday is my last day in Buenos Aires. My last real day.
I finally went to Retiro Station to get my tickets to Córdoba... wow can you say finally?! Let's not speak about how impossible it was to have these tickets in my hand...
Anyway, while walking there I went through the San Martín park - and how amazing it was. This park I always took for granted was absolutely perfect today. It's in the middle of the craziest part of the city and the port... where the highways and city meets... you have no idea how amazing it feels to be in complete loveliness in the midst of honking cars, pollution and people elbowing you right left and centre...
Weird that I'm speaking about San Martín park now, 'cause just last night when getting out of the General San Martín Estacíon with Tina, we spoke about our first impressions of this area. On both our first days going to the MC office we had this image of it being amazing, because when you are on the escalators from the station going up to the street, you see palm tree leaves and bright morning sunlight... some kind of wonderful... so weird that we both thought the same thing... it's amazing how you look back at first impressions, isn't it? How views and perceptions change so quickly... totally a different story when you were still innocent of "when in reality"...
Well back on topic... this morning walking in San Martín was totally different - a kind of completeness and fulfillment mixed together. I walked up to the bridge overlooking the hill, at Libertador, the highways... with the sun totally blazing down like some sort of blesser... and that was it - when everything came together. This is the end of my trip, the end of my experience... the end of everything that I had been looking forward to before. What a sense of accomplishment, of shame, of fulfillment, of disappointment... a life-changing experience?... well why don't you tell me the factors of life first... let's not even fathom how to measure "change"...
En el collectivo.
A few hours ago, I may have seen Oncé for the last time.
A few minutes ago, I may have walked on Avenida Florida for the last time.
Today, I may be working in the AIESEC Southern Cone office for the last time, ever.
I didn't expect such an abrupt ending. This is just exactly how my life is, always. I plan, plan, plan to plan, organize... PLAN, and nothing ever turns out the way it's supposed to. EVER.
I was supposed to be leaving for Peru today, or so I thought 2 months ago.
I was supposed to be going to the Provincia to a friend's barn this weekend, 2 weeks ago.
I was supposed to be going to DRIVE conference and leave for Córdoba next Thursday, 2 days ago.
Instead, I'm probably leaving for Cordoba to organize and facilitate this conference ... this Monday.
Live. Laugh. Love.
Colours of a tune
Wow, what an awkward 10 minutes.
Working in an MC office is quite daunting, I'll admit it. But working in an MC office with all internationals is just... awkward, sometimes. Listed below is the current MC in Southern Cone:
Tina (vp projects) - Czech Republic
Vika (vp X) - Russia
Emil (vp F)- Chile
Javi (vp ER/Comm)- Mexico
Marina (vp TM)- Russia
Juan Ma (vp ER) - Mexico
Maxi (mcp) - Argentina
I always thought that I had quite the comprehensive playlist, it really has everything - techno, dance, reggaeton, indie, rock, hard metal - but being put in this position with people from different places, my playlist can be great or bad, depending on the point of view.
10 minutes ago I asked if I can put on some music - "of course, play something" - I looked through my entire iTunes music list and for the first time in my life I couldn't choose a song to cater to my audience; I didn't want to put on anything they didn't like since it might bother them doing their work, so I left it as it was...
"where is this music you were going to play, Irene?" asks Marina from Russia... *cricket cricket*
So I end up cracking up in embarrassment and explained to them my "challenge"... another 5 minutes pass because I really didn't know what to choose and just told them to let me know if the music bothers them...
Seriously, that was the most awkward 10 minutes I've had with them so far, and I've been working with them for 2 months. More weird than extremely awkward situations at nightclubs, more weird than incorrect translations and word combinations in English, more weird than our barriers of connecting on a personal level 'cause of our different cultures...
So I put on Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson. No cumbia from Colombia, no festive mexican music, no Chilean pop, no Mika... just Banana Pancakes.
The longest Winter of all...
I left the summer for winter, but what a perfect summer to abandon as I hear Toronto's all soggy this year...
but I can't help but hate the mid-like weather here, it's not extremely cold or extremely hot, something I discovered that I hate. As the days are quite similarly cold, I anticipate each day to get a littler colder (as Canadian winters) only to find myself getting hotter and hotter each day under the amount of layers I've piled on. So odd.
And sometimes when my iPod shuffles to a Christmas song I almost expect Christmas to come... such a weird thing, what Winter in Canada has created inside me, some sort of internal calendar of temperatures and holidays...
I'm glad I'll be able to enjoy the last bit of summer when I get home though, hopefully it won't be too wet...
"No time concept"
"You have no time concept!" is something often scolded at me by my mother, when I'm at home, of course. But how can anyone have no concept of time? I dared not ever challenge her choice of words, or lack thereof, as I knew that in reality I don't have good time management skills.
It's a funny thing here in South America, the concept of time. In Argentina, at least, I've felt like I've been dreaming this whole time, everything that's happened was one whole adventure, and it definitely has not yet ended.
That's because the days just never end.
But contrary to what should've happened, the days being extremely long here has actually improved my time mgt. There's so much lack thereof that I can't stand wasting my time away, just like everyone else. There's so much time to do everything and anything you want that somehow my productivity level just shoots right up. This entire city generally being so inefficient has made me much more so in a way.
Maybe it's 'cause there's so much to do in this city, so full of people and work, there's always something or someone to help out, to work with, to catch up on... not just personally but with everyone else, maybe it's because everyone procrastinates, no idea... but time is just a different meaning here, really...
For example, before going to a meeting with Unilever one would hope to arrive at least 15 minutes before the meeting... right? No... apparently I'm crazy because sipping on coffee 3 minutes before entering the building alright to mr MC VP ER and PBoX OCP... "Chill out Irene, we have 3 minutes" - but the red tape to go upstairs! there's a lineup to get a pass at the reception! - no, don't worry... I swear, I thought Mexico was in North America... in the end we got in the office at 10:23.
Another example: arriving early at someone's house is rude. They have better things to do rather than host you before you're supposed to arrive, and you're expected to arrive late...
EG: Saying "yes" to go somewhere usually means "maybe"... and if you actually do arrive, you're about 2-3 hours late. Some Argentinians got a shock when a fellow Canadian hosted a goodbye party - a few of "us" (including me) arrive around 10, when it started at 9 - ok cool, but a bunch of others arrived around 3 to find everyone else either gone or cleaning up... haha...
EG: Clubs. Boliches. Going out means pre-gaming at 12/1 and arriving at 2. Party 'til the morning and have breakfast at 8. Work at 9.
Rambles, rambles, but there are a million stories I can tell about my experiences with time here...
